Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
