If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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