She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
