she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
