Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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