The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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