I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
