The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
