His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
