At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This is the high leading the old right now
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
