Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
