So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Congratulations! We have a period
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
