so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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