I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
