And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
