I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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