I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Even my vagina gasped.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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