i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We were destined to go to rehab together
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
