I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
