Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
