How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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