Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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