Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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