you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
