fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
