She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
