I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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