it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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