Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
