ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
