his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
