I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
