If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
