I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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