I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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