i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
