there's paper in my vomit.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
