nut hugger
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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