My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
