I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
