Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
