I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
