absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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