you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
