quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
