God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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