Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
