I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
