I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
