i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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