Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
