In the future we'll all be gay
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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