i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
