I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
