so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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