i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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