I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
