Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
